| an odd place in life |
[Mar. 17th, 2009|05:00 am] |
I am not exactly sure how to deal with this but I have reached a place in my life that if I was a gambling man I would pick up my chips and leave the table. I feel like I stand to loose more than gain. I have so much in my life that I am thankful for, so many people that I love, and I have already lost more than I care to. But unfortunately in the game of life (not to sound too cliche) you can not stop, you don't ever get to walk away from the table. I don't know why I see things the way I do. All I know is that as I get older, I will lose those who mean so much to me, and I can't see that I will gain all that much. Sure I don't have everything that I want...someday I hope to become more successful in my career and I still want children eventually but... I know I can not look at it as a trade off, but I can not deny that the older I get, those around me get older as well. My 15 year high school reunion is in a couple of weeks and I as I was going through some old papers today I happened across the memorial information for someone I was friends with in high school. She died way too young. But it's not just age...I always thought that missing someone would dissipate over time but I seem to miss my Grandparents more and more, not less.
I am just at a point that I don't quite know what to tell myself because thinking that it will get easier eventually just doesn't seem logical to me, I only see it getting harder.
I guess that's something they don't tell you as a kid...but I wouldn't have listened anyways...I wanted to grow up. |
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